Confusion

I'm really confused.  What is the problem?  Am I mad?  Sad?

I've lost hope.  I'm barely hanging onto my faith.  All of it is hard.

So many questions, very little answers..  Pleas for God, where's the help?

~~~~~~~~~

I do now this.  No matter how hard life gets.  No matter how great my sin is, no matter how powerful Satan may be..

I will NOT lose!  For if God is with me, who can really harm me?  No one can harm me.  Except myself, I am my only enemy.

No matter how great my sins have been, I will NOT let them mold my future.

No matter how powerful Satan may be.  God is more powerful.  And I will get right back up with every tug and push of Satan.  I'm NOT going anywhere Satan, I'm not.

Every time life gets hard, I will push through, because NO ONE has the right to tell me NO.  I will get through this life.  YOLO?  You Only Live Once?  I will make the most of this life.

But the one question comes up, from that little doubter that I will extinguish.  What good does this do me, if I don't do anything?  I'm not capable of doing anything.

I will do something, and I'll have God on my side.  I may not be capable, but guess who's on my side.  Just take a wild guess, I got Jesus, I got God, and I got the Holy Spirit.  I can do anything now.  And I will do what I want.

What do I want?  TO LIVE!  And to be happy.

Satan, I'm with God, you ain't anything.  You won't win.  For I've already won, because of God.  God wins, that's how it is.

A Blur by CJ Ferrier

This is a poem I wrote, it was for school, but it became more to me then just a grade.


It's all a blur
All of my feelings
All of my thoughts
All of my all

What must I do?
I'm so frustrated
Yet, I'm happy
While I'm sad

Do I get a break?
Can I wear a smile?
An actual true smile
Like the happy kid I was

Can I stop the tears
That flow at night?
Can I show my feelings
That are all bottled up?

I wanna smile!
I wanna have fun!
Why am I mad?
Why do I hate?

Why do I care?
Why do I try?
I should just end
This life I have made

I could do real good
I can serve my God!
But what is the point?
If I am not glad

Where are the reasons?
Show them to me!
I have so many questions
So answer them, please!

I have two best friends
I now have two reasons
I love my whole family
Now there is five

I worship my God!
He's worth over 9000!
I'm passing in school
Now I have more

I'm looking for love
For now that can wait
I'm looking for purpose
God, I'm pleading to you!

I know You can help God!
So help if you want
God I need help
To focus this blur.